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FOLLOW YOUR HEART

LEARNING AND EVOLVING

CALLING OF YOUR SOUL

Let it whisper  ,   Let it Sing

Let it be free from within 

Let it soar up in the sky so high 

Feel free to be what’s it meant to be

                                Sonia Kumar

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What Are we giving our Children..

There is a saying
“YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW”
Also it’s a law of karma “You get what you give”. I have heard so many  discussions on how children mistreat their parents, have no compassion and love towards them and their is so much criticism and how the parents provided for them all these years and now they should do the same.
In this world of competition and success and getting richer and richer every day and getting the best of the physical comforts, so many parents just focussed so much on providing the physical comforts to the children that they forgot to give their children emotional support and love. Their expectations of their children is always high to be the best model student, to achieve everything perfectly and to never fail and if they make a mistake or don’t perform as per their expectations, to criticize them to a point that they feel ashamed of themselves and have low self esteem.
These same parents then expect these children to provide the love and support  that they need when they are old. But these children never received love, never received encouragement, compassion or support…. I just wonder how do these children give it back when they don’t know how to give.
Its something we all need to ponder on for the sake of the world to become a better place.
#love #mentalhealth #parenting #family #children #mypersonaldiaries #selfreflection

“BE WHO YOU ARE… THE KEY TO A HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL YOU”

Today lot of people are unhappy, not because they don’t have food to eat, but they are plagued with some emotional or mental worry which slowly is killing them from the inside. Why ???
I have always asked – Is it trying to fit in to the norms of the society, trying to become like everyone and trying to run the rat race , sometimes under the pressure of family, friends, society and all that you forget being who we are. Is it really worth it.
After 40 years of trying to abide by everyone’s rules not because I could not speak, but just to keep the peace around me and trying to see everyone happy – the only thing I realized was that neither was I happy, nor were the people around me. But because of the repression of the emotions over a long period of time I was emotionally, mentally and physically sick. It’s just like trying to wear a different size shoe which just doesn’t fit, initially its uncomfortable but wearing it for a long time, slowly it creates so many wounds deeper than we can imagine .
And it has taken me the past 7 years to recover from those deep embedded wounds so you can imagine how deep the impact is of trying to wear a different size shoe.
So if you really care about yourself and the people around you, learn to be yourself the authentic real you and you will realize you will be the happiest at that moment. That’s when you can achieve anything and the world will be your oyster.
#mentalhealthawareness #mypersonaldiaries
#awareness #Beyourself

Depression – The darkness within

The past many months, I have been experiencing this. Normally it’s a taboo to talk about our mental health, but over the years have felt this feeling come and go but recently I felt it had taken hold of me and it was difficult coming out of it. Even today there are times I keep experiencing it but try to shake it off with meditation and healing. May be some of you might also be experiencing it so thought to share and help each other. Take care, Have a nice day.

“Depression -The darkness within”

The black clouds
That hovered and surrounded
Blurring and intimidating,
Held me immobilized
I felt suffocated,
and gasping,
With no fresh air to breathe
For months on end
Which felt like eternity
There was no end in sight
I had been engulfed by the darkness
Falling deeper and deeper in to a dark pit
The invisible claws held me captive
I was a prisoner,
The dark walls so Impenetrable
It just numbed me
and held me powerless
I surrendered and accepted
And fell into to a deep slumber
Soaking in the nothingness
And the darkness
Immersed in it,
Nothing touched me, excited me
Life felt like a burden
With no desire to take a step forward
The days, The weeks merging
Each one the same
And sometimes I questioned
Was it the end
Or will there be a chance
Or a glimmer of light
Which will take me forward
Sometimes I shuddered
And sometimes I wondered
Is this it, will I ever be able
To step out and feel the sunshine

Sonia Kumar

Continue reading “Depression – The darkness within”

All THEY NEEDED WAS LOVE

I finally let my guards down
Wasn’t I a mute spectator
Watching each one from the sidelines
Observing how they flowed
And there ups and downs
Each fighting for their way forward
Trying to prove that they belonged
They could go to great lengths
to prove what was theirs
But all of them like Empty cans
Rattling and making too much sound
Sometimes it hurt my ears
Sometimes it saddened me
To see them broken
Vying for attention
And still not being heard
My heart cried for those broken
And deep scars that they hid
Behind those fake smiles
And telling themselves each day
They were great
What they did not understand
That they needed some warmth
And some love to fill
The emptiness and the void
That they felt deep inside.

Sonia Kumar

Reality – An Illusion The Fakeness of it all

The fakeness of it all
The gestures
The moments
The looks
The words
Each one practiced
Each one deliberated
Each one manipulated
For a simple heart
Which believed in it all
And tried to reciprocate
Despite knowing something
Was off and very wrong

Treated just like an object
No feelings, No heart
Looked down upon
And told I was wrong
Objected to, Humiliated
Openly discussed
And targeted like a prey
And was caught in the
Manipulation and the lies
Like a fly in the web
and made to realize
The fakeness of it all

Looking back to the times
And the innocence
With which I believed
Or wanted to believe
The warmth of those words
Which were only a sham
Just to boost their ego
And create a reality
Of how great they were
With not a blink in the eye
And how it hurt deeply
And created a mirage
And me, made to feel bad
For taking it wrong

Each day wanting to believe
In the goodness
In their words
Which was just a farce
The reality finally hit me
At the Falseness
And the Fakeness of it all
Time passed,
The illusions disappeared
The reality glaring
straight in the eye
I finally took a step forward
But they were still stuck
In that mirage
And the Fakeness
And the Illusion
Which had been their reality
For so long

Sonia Kumar

My Frozen Heart – Trapped 

I had walked the path alone

My heart was frozen 

I felt dead inside

Nothing Swept me 

Nothing held me

I just gazed at the horizon 

With no end in site

Life passed by

I stood alone 

People came

People left

But I felt their was no one 

Who stood by my side

They judged me 

They reproached me

They accused me

With their stares

And their glares

But I felt nothing

My heart was frozen 

Nothing could touch it

As it had been dead

for a long time. 

A bolt of lightning 

A Ball of fire

Struck my frozen heart

And something moved

I felt it bleeding

The daggers still stuck

The arrows still piercing

The pain insurmountable 

And tears flowing

For no end in site

It brought back all the memories

Which had frozen with time 

The reproach, The hate, 

The disapproval

Each moment which had frozen

As my heart had stopped beating 

I felt the pain deeply embedded 

In my heart and my soul

I felt I had moved on

But my heart had held the pain

Beyond Eons and lifetimes

Sonia Kumar

My Heart… Did it Die

Recently been disturbed by every thing that’s been going on and my heart has been hurting and aching and I keep asking these questions –


Did you listen to the heart cry
Did you see it die
Each time it was hurt
Each time it died a little
Every time it wanted to just be held
Be caressed, Feel the love
But instead got
The judgements
The hate
The questions
The set criterias,

It just wanted
To live
To love
To be held
To be caressed
To be accepted
And To be free
It was all that it needed
I always wonder
Is that so difficult…
Take care all of you. Love and Hugs

Heartbroken

Every time someone hurts me 

I look the other way

I don’t crib I don’t demean

I don’t shout 

I try not to pity myself 

I am deeply hurt 

I just try to see the lesson 

And learn

If I open my heart

You will see the scars

Of wounds which have been deep imbedded inside

Buried with time 

But not forgotten 

Might have lost their sheen

And been pushed aside

But every time I open my heart

They bleed 

Leaving me vulnerable and heartbroken

Sonia Kumar

Let’s Shine

It’s the time to flow
To open your hearts
And let the inner child grow
There were times… a lot many
When you stopped it
from stepping out
Afraid of the world
And what it would harp
Also burdened by the workload
It’s been peeping out
Since the lock down
So acknowledge it
Honor it… And let it grow
Open your hearts
Let life,laughter and love
…….. Shine through.

My daughters Ira Kumar Ruhin Kumar inspired me to write this.. We all have been in lock down for quite some time, and we have a lot of time at hand. So it’s our time to open up our hearts and honor who we are. Each of us is unique and gifted and has something unique in us that needs to come out, so now you have time to listen to that voice which you have suppressed and put it at the back, it’s knocking and wants to come out… So honor it.. Because when we acknowledge who we are, we will let life flow through us… First it will be a small trickle, but the more you honor it the more it will grow. When we do something that comes naturally to us it just opens our hearts, it’s not labor, but love and we will become happier as a community and as nations. So guys just honor who you are…. Love and Hugs
Check out the videos of both my daughters.. Just loved and amazed at what they can do without any formal training. If they can do it you can too. Please give them some love to encourage them Thanks Love you all ❤️

Sonia Kumar

Breathe

The dark night is over,
I am ready to welcome the new dawn.
My arms are wide open
To breathe in to the sweetness
Of what holds beyond
Ready to take the next steps
Which will be slow and calm

Love and Hugs ❤️

Message from the Universe

Hello Dear Friends, Soul mates
A message from the universe- In a few weeks time we will be ready to step outside trying to return to our normal lives. But our new normal will be a different normal from the one we have experienced before because we have changed from our inside, our priorities have changed during this self isolation time.

I am ready to step outside
The bonds broken
The shackles which had interwoven
Had led me astray
Each one I have shed
To be born anew
I am thankful for the safety
Of my home
I felt safe and secure
Guarded and shielded
From the dangers outside
I have rested and resolved
And listened to my heart
And slayed my fears
Which had kept me locked
And not ready for the resolve
To step outside
My heart is beating
With a strength and eagerness
To the positive changes
I can make outside
I am ready to live my life
with a tenderness and compassion
For myself and the world outside.

May you be blessed and guided in this new life as you move forward.
Please do forward and share although I believe if it’s meant to be, you will recieve it. Take care ❤️ ❤️
Sharing some recent pictures with you. May you all be blessed 🙏

Hope

A few messages received during the lock down period

A humble appeal to everyone.. A message I have received and I am sharing with all of you The next 10 days please make an effort to do this… It will be a great gesture and help to heal yourself, Mother Earth and mankind.

Stop talking, Can you keep quiet
For once listen to your own voice
Which is sad and dying deep inside
Stop trying to be someone
Stop trying to score points
Nature has asked us to be quiet
And listen to our own voice
Which is wailing and crying
To be let outside
Stop trying to be good
Stop trying to be bad
Just silence your mind
Let your heart speak up
It’s time to still yourself
And forget what is outside
As there is deeper trouble
Brewing inside
Which needs to be addressed
And taken care of
For the outside to recover
And to heal inside
Wake up to yourself
And who you are
It’s time to pay attention
Stop screaming stop shouting
And trying to prove yourself
And who you are
Just try to listen to that
heart beating Deep Inside
Can you listen to the wails
Can you listen to the screams
Quieten it, Heal it
Every thing will clear up outside
It’s the need of the hour
The doctors, the helpers
The government each one is doing their duty
So help them by quieting yourself
And meditating

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=3102383083114102&id=100000273210670

The Black Night 🖤

The sadness sitting heavy
The day’s event flashed by
The realization that was always
Right in front
The years of struggle
Not knowing, not conscious
Of the herculean task
That was always at hand
To live a normal life
The struggles my body went through
To keep the pace
To meet the demands
Of the world outside
The running, The tiredness
The long hours
All seeping in
Creeping slowly
The tears flowing
Not knowing why
The heart heavy
All the silent crying
And felt was that all
That was life
The constant struggle to fit in
To be a part
Will it ever end
The sky dark
The night pitch black
I failed to see the other end
Eyes tired waiting for the dawn
Which would be a sight to behold
For my sore eyes
But will it come
Was my thought
In the deep recesses
Of my mind
As I nodded off
Exhausted to my core

Sonia Kumar

Don’t take away their Childhood – Let them ” Be”

Let’s not expose them
Till they are tiny and young
Let’s give them time to grow up
Find their way and mature
Their small shoulders are not meant to carry
The burden of prying eyes
Let them love their life
With a naturalness and joy

Their hearts are tender
And still yet to understand the world outside
Let’s give them the space
To make mistakes, learn and grow
The expectations we pile up on them
With all the media and exposure
These tiny little munchkins
Might learn the art to pose
And and be what is expected of them
But they might forget
The naughty pranks and the laughter
The sharing and the caring
In trying to model and pose
The happiness that is natural to a child
Might be forgotten
In the midst of becoming someone
Whom they don’t know

Their little dreams their little fantasies
Their innocence,
All a part of their fantasy world
Don’t break that bubble of happiness
With your constant demands
Don’t take away that childhood
Let them be in that cocoon
And feel safe for a little while
There will always be a time
When they will leave the nest
That will be the time when
they will become big and strong
Ready To break the shell
And come out on their own
They will always carry their childhood
With them for all their life
So give them a memory to cherish
And to carry them through the tests of time

Sonia Kumar

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